Assigment Post Vol. 2 // Life (08.01.14)

Life is hard. The world is cruel. Life is unfair. And so is the world. Take a look back at our life. Do you remember that time? Don’t tell me you’ve never been to that part of your life. I can’t really remember when it happen to me but what I know is during that time, I’m currently going through the phase where I hated my life. Maybe it happened to you when you’re 11 or 12. Or maybe, you can’t even recall when it happens to you. Hey hey there. I know what’s playing in your dirty minds by now. And nope, it’s not that ‘thing’. Alright?! What I’m trying to say is do you remember that part of your life, when your younger, cuter, naive self said, “I can’t wait to grow up”. Do you remember now? Every one of us had said that to our adolescent-selves. Most of us are still too dumb to realize what is waiting for us in the future.

Yes. Now you deserve to laugh at yourself. Laugh. GO! Laugh around. Jump here, jump there, jump everywhere and LAUGH! Because now we finally realize that life is HARD. Isn’t it? Well, friends. Childhood friends. Your squad when you’re in high school. Where are all of them now when you’re in need? When you really are in need. Yes. We have nowhere to turn to. Family are always first. But not all of your problems you can share with them right? Don’t tell me the “I’m close with my mom” shit. Well I’m close with mine too. But not every problem could be shared with her. Well different people have different choices right. I’m not here to stop you from being close with your mom. I admit it, I’m jealous with them who can share every single thing with their moms. While I can’t. Cause I choose not to. She got enough problems to think of rather than my problems. Important things? Yes she’ll be the first to know. She’s my mother after all. She did carry me around for 9 goddamn months, in pain. Okay?

As we grow old, we will learn how to cope with our life. With our long (maybe sweet, maybe sour) life. In the process of learning to stay on the right lane, we will get through so many different kinds of level. And you will have to fight. Fight emotionally. Fight mentally. Or maybe, until that one level, you may have to fight physically. And along that levels, there may be a few levels that are hard to go through. And we need help. Maybe professional help. Or amateur? Or whatever. Yes. In that level, you can call your Luigi. Your girl. Your boy. Your loco-loco. Your #bestgirlfriendintheentireworldeva. Call them. Then wait and see. How many of them will be there. Okay let’s say if you got only one, will s/he be there? Can they? And if they can’t, you have nowhere to turn to. Now you’re alone. Now now now, don’t cry. Don’t do stupid things! There’s only one more person left to help you. They will help you. No matter what happens, they will be there for you. Every time, anywhere. It’s you. Yes YOU. Now you yourself have to help yourself. Regain your strength, max out your energy, toughen your mind, and GO. Go all the way through. Without anyone’s help. You’ll feel good when you finally finish that level by yourself. Proud even!

All those levels may contain things that almost every youngsters are going through. You know things like emotional breakdowns, problems with your S.O, confusion of making decisions and so on. And to go through all that levels, you have to be strong. You have to be tough. Did I tell you there may be a stopper in your way to go through. A stone. A big one. And that is you. You yourself are the boulder. Its either you let yourself go for it, or just stick around with all the same shits and not even try to go explore that new side of your life. Do you want to still hang around with your old lame life? Of course not! So don’t let yourself be the stopper of your own life. Go for it and never ever, give up. 

Assignment Post Vol. 1 // The day is done.

There is no word to describe how I felt when I heard the news. I was half awake when I heard it. I don't think there's a sad emotion in me on that time. I am mostly shocked. Shocked because I just met her a week before that day then out of the blue, the news came. My aunt. My beloved aunt. She passed away last week. I didn't feel anything at that time. I didn't even shed a single tear. We drove from KL to Seremban on 11.30 that night and stayed there until the funeral is done on the next day. That wasn't even in the morning. We reached KL around 3 / 4 in the evening. I am very very tired. Psychically, mentally and of course, emotionally tired. Exhausted even!

Speaking about tears. Sounds like I am a one strong lady for not even crying upon hearing the sad news. It's not that I don't want to cry. But I am actually just holding back the tears that is already began pooling in the corner of my eyes. But unfortunately, the walls that have been holding up all the salty water that belongs to my eyes had finally touch the ground when I saw my grandmother cried. She (my grandma) cannot accept the fact that my aunt has passed away. And the thing that mostly bugging her mind is, why her daughter? Why not her? Why didn't -He took her life first? Why did her once young and pretty daughter had to left her? Forever in fact. The moment I saw her cry, is the moment that I saw my mom's eyes are wet too. And that's when I cried. Wow. The so called 'Strong Lady' finally cried! Why? Because, it really is sad to see a mother crying. I can't even imagine of my own mother crying.

Well, I've saw her crying actually. Not once, not twice. But quite

some times. That was during a very dark time in our family. But what's past is past. And since the last day I saw her cried, I've promised myself not to be the reason of her tears. Unless its a tear of happiness. Then only she can cry for 5 days and 5 nights! Hihihi. Back to the main story of my late aunt and all the tears shed, I remembered something that I once kept in my mind. Don't be sad when someone leaves you forever. Well, you can be sad. But don't stay sad forever! Life is still running fast pass you. And I am really sure that they didn't want to see us being locked up all alone in our room, sitting there all day do nothing but cry. Life must go on no matter what happens.

Despite of the sudden loss, my family and I recovers quickly by my brother's engagement. Well my parents are the most happiest person in this matter. They are not the one who's getting engaged but they are the most busiest people to be running around. I am busy too you know! Since both of my sisters are busy with their jobs, that leaves me to be my mom's assistant. Well my part is buying stuffs for his 'hantaran', make sure the fresh flowers stay fresh until the big day, running here and there to make sure the food is okay and so on! And its pretty funny to see my mother suddenly panic on the engagement day when her task was to only put the ring around the bride-to-be. Whatever it is, my brother is finally engaged! Yeaaaaay. Couldn't be more happier for him. Congrats to you my brother, finally you found someone right. And cute!

And I think I can finally say that the day is done.

Dia datang lagi! // Ramadhan // 1435 Hijriah.

Assalamualaikum.

Selepas setahun tirainya terlabuh, akhirnya bulan yang paling dinanti kan oleh semua umat Islam seluruh dunia finally buat come back selepas setahun dia berehat! Ramadhan. It soothes me every time I hear someone says that magical word. As everyone knows. Ramadhan is a holly month for us Muslims. Its the month where everyone is running in the race of performing good deeds. A month where all the "Doors of Heaven" is open. A month where Satan are being chained. And of course, a month where we Muslims need to fast. Well that's the sweetest part of course. Waking up in the morning to get our tummy filled. And then wait for another 12 hours to break our fast at the end of the day. Keep performing our Solah every time after the Adhan is reverb. Everything is exciting! Dalam mall semestinya lagu raya dah berputar 38x. Ahaha.

Since I'm already a student now (Alhamdulillah!), I have very limited time in this fasting month. Pagi pergi kelas, petang discussions here and there, group meeting here and there, aaannnd finally dapatlah balik around 4 / 5 pm. Since my mum is still working 9 - 5 despite of her being in the middle-aged-zone (syukur dia masih sihat), I need to rush back home every weekdays because I am the one who's in charge in the kitchen. Aiceh ayat kemain. But seriously. Disebabkan my mom masih bekerja. Nak dibandingkan dengan saya yang hanyalah seorang student bak kata bapak saya, saya mungkin boleh sampai rumah a lil bit cepat than my mom. Oleh itu, every weekday, sayalah head chef dalam rumah. Even though Ramadhan baru je bermula, tapi akak dah dapat rasa kan kepenatan yang akak akan lalui sepanjang bulan ni ye anak-anak. Pagi rushing, petang pun rushing. Pastu malam pun rushing jugak with all the assignments / tasks given.

By Syawal, I am a dead meat. I am really sure about that. But whatever it is. Its Ramadhan kan? Aren't you excited? Dan setiap kali Ramadhan lah sajak Pak Samad Said dok terngiang-ngiang dalam telinga ni. "Ramadhan Yang Manis". And target saya untuk bulan ni? NAK REDUCE-KAN SIKAP KUAT MENGELUH! In Sha Allah boleh, Amin!